Elul, Day 19 - י"ט באלול
Dear Elul Writers,
Last month I was on a Zoom panel for incoming first year students at Emory. I was representing the Office of Spiritual and Religious Life and there were folks from various other corners of campus life; each of us speaking about how new students might get involved and find connections in a new place. As we were asked about all of the opportunities that await students on campus, we talked about the importance of diving in, of taking chances, of saying ‘yes.’ If you stay in your room, if you take refuge in the world of social media and streaming content then, we warned, you might miss out on all that campus has to offer. Instead, say ‘yes’ to having the most meaningful college experience that you can.
A few minutes later, when the subject of mental health was broached, our expert panel of higher ed professionals made clear that students needed to be able to set boundaries. We talked about the dangers of being stretched too thin, running back and forth between classes and extracurriculars. First-year students need to put an emphasis on self-care and an essential element of that, according to our panel, was learning how to say ‘no.’ Sometimes ‘no’ is the only antidote to a culture of being stressed out.
For those watching this Zoom panel from home (all 17 of them) our message was clear—be brave and push yourself to say ‘yes’ and, at the same time, practice the power of saying ‘no.’ This utterly inconsistent appeal was not unique to this conversation; it feels like these competing messages permeate our culture. We are encouraged to bounce between the poles of all or nothing. We are either in a ‘Year of Yes’ or in a ‘Season of Embracing No.’ It can all feel confusing and disorienting.
Yes, Yes—No, No.
Yes, No, Yes—-No, Yes, No
Yes, Yes, No, Yes, No, No, Yes, No—David Melech Yisrael.
Prompt
We are approaching another Shabbat and I want to encourage you to lean hard into ‘maybe.’ Forget the enthusiastic ‘yes’ or the definitive ‘no’ for a minute. If you are journaling, try starting each line with: Maybe I will...
Maybe I will join a book club.
Maybe I will take more chances in my professional life.
Maybe I will take a step back from obligations that aren’t serving me.
Maybe I will be more mindful before I speak.
What does it feel like to aspire and to dream without the fixity of yes or no? I’m not sure if this prompt is empowering or just pure flimsiness. What do you think?
Shabbat shalom,
Jordan